Finding Belonging for Yourself & As a Leader

I grew up in Montclair, N.J., a town known for its diversity, creativity and strong sense of community. It was the kind of place where people of all backgrounds came together in classrooms, neighborhoods and parks. From the outside, it might have looked like belonging was easy to find. But even in such an open place, I sometimes wondered where I fit.

I was the third child adopted by my parents. Before me, they had adopted my two brothers from Canada. Then came me — a Jersey kid through and through — and finally, my sister from West Virginia, who, like me, is biracial. Each of us came from a different beginning, yet under one roof we were bound by love and purpose.

Still, difference can feel uncomfortable when you’re young. And one moment in eighth grade made that painfully clear.

A Lesson From the Track

It was a warm spring afternoon at a middle school track meet. My mom had come to cheer me on from the stands — proud, smiling and waving. But instead of acknowledging her, I looked the other way. Not because I didn’t love her, but because I was embarrassed. I worried my friends might notice how different my family looked and start to see me differently, too.

When I think back on it now, I can only imagine how much that moment must have hurt her. She quietly left before the meet was over. That evening, my parents sat me down for a conversation I’ll never forget.

They didn’t scold me; instead, they helped me understand what I was feeling. They told me, “We love you. We chose you. You belong in this family — and you should embrace what makes you different.”

That conversation changed everything. It taught me that belonging isn’t about blending in — it’s about being fully seen, accepted and valued for who you are. It’s about connection, not conformity.

Leadership Research & Belonging

Years later, as I began working with leaders and teams, I realized that the lesson from that evening mirrored what leadership research says about belonging at work.

A leadership effectiveness analysis from Management Research Group has shown that leaders who are both self-aware and empathetic create stronger connections and higher engagement across teams. Their global database highlights that belonging thrives under leaders who notice when someone feels disconnected — and who take intentional steps to bring them back into the circle.

Research cited in Harvard Business Review echoes this insight: When employees feel a sense of belonging, job performance rises by over 50%, turnover risk drops by half and sick days decrease by as much as 75%. Belonging, in other words, isn’t just a “feel-good” concept. It’s a performance driver.

The Leadership Responsibility

That moment on the track field remains a powerful reminder for me today. My parents didn’t just tell me I belonged — they saw that I didn’t feel it, and they addressed it with empathy and truth.

That’s what great leaders do. They stay alert to signs that someone may feel unseen or left out — the quiet voice in meetings, the teammate who pulls back, the employee who feels different but doesn’t know how to express it. Leaders who intentionally reconnect those individuals build stronger, more inclusive teams and drive better outcomes.

Belonging, whether in a family or an organization, isn’t automatic. It’s built — through empathy, awareness and everyday acts of inclusion.

The lesson I learned as a boy in Montclair still guides me today: The true measure of leadership isn’t just results — it’s creating spaces where people know they truly belong.

Gene Baker Collaborator with Catania CommunicationsLinkedIn / Email